I thought I'd do an update of sorts. It's been over a month, we're quite due. Today while walking to the bathroom I saw a dandelion, the one you blow, on the ground. It was a bit stepped on and wet but the seeds that you blow were still in tact--well, a good percentage of them. It slightly stopped me in my tracks because I saw a symbol of giving up on a wish before even trying. Trying is important. But so is prioritizing your wishes...or...I dunno. Scratch that.
I plan on writing some more later...I have a headache right now. A small-ish one. I plan to have headaches a few more times this week, if I'm unlucky. My day felt like an archeologic adventure as I dug up hidden Mia things while having a conversation with one of my closest pals. It's nice to have a good, solid conversation... no matter how much your pal is practicing psychology on you. I get it though, I analyze myself quite frequently so I am not totally opposed to having a close friend do it too. There were things I just withheld. I don't like to answer things that are too revealing. Like Axl Rose said, "I like to be real private; you don't always want everyone around you - even when they like you." I took that quote and locked it in my mind forever at age nine. It just makes sense to me to be a bit more private than others. We don't live in a very private world. Sure, sometimes I'll indulge and share a juicy gem or two...but I really have to like you...and/or I really have to lose interest in that gem. Don't share what's still a bit valuable. Keep your wealth to yourself. Everyone doesn't need to know everything. Anyway, I opened up a bit. It felt splendid to put my essential question or bother into words. It's been a splattered mess inside of my head and I finally scooped it up into a decent package. From here I think I can mail it off into the land of All Things Resolved. In due time, in due time. I really do love having great conversations like that though. Knee to knee, words a flowin', emotions goin', new facets of yourself showin'...it's great. I feel a bit gluttonous to want to continue that conversation. Mostly because the main topic was Mia and I don't always feel comfortable being on the main agenda of a conversation. It makes me feel selfish and kind of full of myself. I do hope we continue our conversation though. It was really nice to just talk to someone who was genuinely listening and responding and cares. It feels like I'm going out on a limb to say "cares," but seriously, Mia, sweeten up. People have functioning hearts. It happens.
I feel a bit bored of my days before they even start, but they end up being pretty swell. I think it's just all this action making me fatigued. I'll be fine. Things are a bit shaky and weird lately, but I'm going to be optimistic about that too. It happens, man. The number one thing to remember is that people's actions are not based on you. They are based on that person's own feelings and needs and blah blah blah. So we have to stop thinking we're the reason for lame things people do because we are not. They are. It's all a product of themselves. We're pretty much all the way out of that. And that's fine. The lame thing may still be lame, but at least we know it's not us. It's them. But don't judge them. Everyone has their own things that cause them to act the way they act or do the things they do. The best thing is to understand what makes people do what they do and then slowly but surely things will be easier. I still barely understand people, but I think reading books will help me with that.
Well, it's 1:14AM and my head still hurts a bit. I think I'm done rambling for now. I don't think I'll even read this over.
All is good. Goodnight!
--Mia.
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