It really concerns me that I have such a hard time receiving love when it is so easy for me to send it out. I feel like it's just my job to love and be there, but when someone does it back it really shocks me. It feels as though I am a ceiling fan and someone pointed a fan towards me to keep me cool. It just feels.. I want to say unorthodox, but weird feels better. Now it's not that I feel that I am undeserving of these...reciprocated actions and words. I know that I'm decent enough to get them, but I think I've just lived by "treat others how you want to be treated" and got used to me being the only one doing any treating. Now the reciprocation is trickling in, but it feels like a waterfall. It's overwhelming because I feel like I know how to give, but not receive. Then I feel bad because I'm still trying to treat how they want to be treated but I don't think I really know how to treat in this situation! I don't know if it's because I do not have experience or if I'm just a hardened, old man who shows no emotion when someone hugs him. But the old man knows that it affected him. But the person doesn't know! Unless they feel it in their heart! But what if I make them not feel that feeling in their heart? I'm having a reverse Whitney Houston moment -- How Will They Know That I Really Love Them? Do I just trust that I am cutting the mustard? Do they know? Oh I understand Whitney Houston so much now, just backwards. What do we do, Whitney?
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